ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
