those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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