We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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