My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
