ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
