Screwed.edu
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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