Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
