final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Vodka?
Forever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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