I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need a burrito and a hug.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
