the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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