i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
