can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
