Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
