Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
