Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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