Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
