Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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