Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
