So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
