I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
