I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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