Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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