I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
