It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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