I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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