There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
