I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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