I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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