It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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