I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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