Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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