last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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