can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
