god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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