If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
