Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
