Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
