The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
