now i know why i became what i already was.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
