I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
