At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize