did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
