I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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