I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
