Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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