I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
