I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
