You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
