I didn't shave. On purpose
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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