he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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