Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
