I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
