i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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