When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just want nice things and good sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
