do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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