The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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